bad at haggling
The worst part about getting bee stings is for days you must take care of those hives.
My job is crushing soda cans
Just because your nose runs a lot doesn’t make you a jogger.
It is so hot the cows are giving evaporated milk.
Summer Solstice: the one day you can say “It’s going to be a long day,” and no one can say you are wrong.
lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid
When I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were dating, I was all, like, OMG!
To the person who invented zero
Modern pirates no longer signal with flags – they use an Aye phone.